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Am I Too Nice? How to be Kind Without Losing Control of the Classroom

a characteristically great teacher being kind to students by hi fiving them

As a teacher, do people think you are too nice or too strict? How do you balance compassion and kindness, but also maintain your authority? Being firm doesn't mean you're not kind, and being kind doesn't mean you let go of control of your classroom. Listen in as Linda shares how to balance being kind and firm, the characteristics of a great teacher.

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Today, we cover a common question we hear in our community: “Am I too nice of a teacher?” Sometimes the teacher asking has heard this from a colleague or an administrator because their classroom is chaotic. Other times, they’re asking themselves the question based on their observations of other teachers who are more strict and have better behaved students. No matter why the teacher is asking, the advice is the same.

It’s Not Either/Or, It’s Both

Teachers who struggle with being too nice, don’t want to be mean teachers, but they wonder if it’s the only way to get classroom control. This creates an internal battle over what characteristics make a great teacher!

The problem with the question is that it’s thought of as an either/or issue. “Either I’m nice and don’t have good classroom management or I’m mean and in control.” The key is to be both kind and firm at the exact same time. 

If a colleague or administrator has come to you and said you’re “too nice,” they typically don’t mean you're too kind of a person. They are implying that you aren’t being firm or strict enough.

However, you don’t actually have to stop being nice to hold students accountable, you just need to be firm. This means you deal with issues when they come up and you are not a pushover. 

Be kind and firm, the key characteristics of a great teacher

What THIS looks like in action

Example 1:  Your class rule is that full credit is given only to work turned in on time. A student tells you they couldn’t do the homework last night because they had soccer practice. Your response can be kind and empathetic, while still holding the boundary. “It can be so hard to juggle everything! The good news is you can turn it in tomorrow and you’ll still get partial credit.” 

Example 2:  When students talk without permission, you give a consequence after three warnings. Your student repeatedly talks during class and receives three warnings, so you ask them to see you after class. You tell them, “You got three warnings so you have a consequence. I know you can do better tomorrow.”

CHECK YOUR mindset

If you find yourself worrying a lot about if you’re nice enough, consider if you’re actually asking, "Do my students like me?" Trying to get students to like you will lead to a classroom where they aren’t held accountable. It will be chaos.

Instead, change your mindset from being liked to being a teacher worthy of their respect. A teacher/student relationship shouldn’t be the same as a peer relationship. Be willing to do what is best for them, even if they don’t like it at the moment. Think of yourself as a mentor rather than a friend, and you'll be a great teacher!

The key to achieving this

The key to being a teacher with a good balance between being kind and firm is: having a classroom management plan. If you don’t feel confident knowing what you’re going to do when various classroom situations come up, you might be too permissive or too harsh when disciplining. It will lead to inconsistency. But if you have a written plan, when the issue comes up, you just follow your plan in a kind and empathetic way. If you need help creating a plan, consider joining us in Classroom Management 101

CLASSROOM management 101

In CM101, you'll create and implement a classroom management plan that works so you can stop being frustrated by student misbehavior & actually enjoy teaching again!

Other Resources Mentioned

heRZOG FOUNDATIoN

The Herzog Foundation exists to catalyze and accelerate the development of quality Christ-centered K-12 education so that families and culture flourish. If you are someone who likes to be up to date on what the cultural issues, particularly those that are facing education, the online news publication “The Lion” is a great place to start. Don’t miss the latest in education and cultural news at Read Lion.

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If you've ever been told you're "too nice" of a teacher, we have good news for you! You don't have to be mean to get good student behavior and maintain classroom control. Listen in as Linda shares how to balance being kind and firm, the characteristics of a great teacher.

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