What causes Christian teens from good churches and good families to leave the faith as an adult? This question plagues parents, teachers, pastors, and youth workers. And I’ll be honest – I don’t know what the answer is.

I do know I’ve seen too many of my friends and classmates either slowly drift away and get out of church or disregard the faith completely. It’s tragic and sad – and it makes me wonder why it happens so often.

Maybe going to church, praying at the table, & having lots of rules isn't enough.

Proverbs 22:6 says “Train up a child in the way he should go, and when he is old, he will not depart from it.” There is much debate over this verse (is it a promise or just a proverb?) but it seems pretty straightforward to me. The question we then run into, though, is why do kids from good Christian homes turn away from the faith?

Maybe (and as I said, I don’t really know), they were never really trained. Just sending kids to church, praying at the table, and having lots of rules isn’t training. Maybe too many of us aren’t doing all we can to pass on our precious faith to the next generation.

I don’t know why it happens so often, but a few thoughts come to mind.

Reasons Young Christians Might Walk Away

  1. The faith they see isn’t real. Young people have an innate sense to detect hypocrisy, and being fake is the unpardonable sin in their eyes. And rightly so – how can you learn from someone who isn’t being authentic with you? Hypocrisy in the church and home comes in various forms, and I think more of us are part of the problem than we care to realize. When we stick to old rules that have no basis in Scripture and the only explanation we can give our kids for them is a combination of stammering and canned lines, our kids can tell that this aspect of our faith is not real. Or when we put up a good front in an attempt to “be a good example” instead of being authentic about our struggles, this turns kids off. Quickly. And we also lose the opportunity to show them how real and life-changing our faith truly is.

  2. They don’t develop their own relationship with God. The one and only all-encompassing aspect of true Christianity is our relationship with God. It’s not about the rules, it’s not about the worship service, and it’s not even about our outreach. All of these things must come FROM our relationship with God. If that doesn’t come first, all the other aspects seem forced and unnatural – and easy to leave behind. [For more about my experience with this, see my post How to Fall in Love with God.]

  3. They get a distorted view of Christianity. Many churches (or homes or schools) lean too far to one side or the other. Some speak of love and grace so much that they neglect to preach against sin and its consequences. Others take strong stands against unrighteousness but fail to properly demonstrate God’s love and grace. Neither of these one-sided approaches rings true because both grace and truth are integral to the faith. We must teach young people the whole counsel of God – the true amazing paradox of Christianity.

  4. They aren’t properly discipled. I think this one is huge. In order for kids to truly make the faith their own, they need to be intentionally discipled – and that means that the parents (and hopefully also teachers, youth workers, etc.) have a strong relationship with them and talk to them about every aspect of their lives. They must speak to their hearts – truly digging down to the heart issues in every encounter. And when disciplining, yelling or just issuing a punishment doesn’t cut it for a teenager. Yes, they may “learn their lesson,” but their heart won’t be changed. True discipleship takes lots of time and effort, and it’s a daily process. I don’t think this happens in a lot of homes, but I think that if it did, far fewer teens would go astray.

  5. They fall into the trap of the slow fade. Up to this point, I’ve suggested that a lot of the blame belongs to the parents and other influences in their lives. But in reality, each person makes his own decisions. And from what I’ve seen, for many it’s simply a slow fade – one small decision away from church followed by another and another. Each seems insignificant and not that big of a deal, until suddenly they’re far away. Only it wasn’t suddenly – it was a gradual decline – one small step at a time.

I just can’t end on that depressing note. If these are some of the contributing factors (and I think in many cases it’s a combination of them), that’s good news because we can make a huge difference in the next generation by reversing these trends. We can be authentic, give them a true view of Christianity, and help them develop a personal relationship with God. We can take the time every day to disciple them and warn them about the trap of the slow fade. This is one of the highest callings we have as Christians. The Great Commission commands us to make disciples of all nations – and we simply cannot neglect to make true disciples of our own children.

What do you think? Are these factors contributing to the problem? Why do you think young Christians turn aside? What can we do differently to successfully pass on our faith to the next generation?

Photo by Barcaw

10 Thoughts on “Why Do Kids From Good Families Walk Away From the Faith?

  1. Sharon Grammer on November 4, 2013 at 11:09 am said:

    Great post!! I think it is essential to focus on relationship, not rules. Be real with your kids, flaws and all. Don’t put church above family (but GOD first always). Talk to your kids about Biblical principles as naturally and at least as often as you do about their sports or other activities. And never make writing verses as a punishment. Just some of my own opinions

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  4. Linda, your comments are right on target. Too many Christian parents leave the teaching and discipline to the church but as we know, it takes DAILY reinforced teaching from God’s Word to keep our children from ‘walking away from their faith’ as they become responsible for their own actions.

  5. Anonymous on March 18, 2014 at 6:20 pm said:

    Linda, I think your article was very good. I just would like to add that training and raising our children for The Lord needs to be done diligently day by day totally depending on God for guidance and wisdom and help. Every single day I prayed for each of my children and begged God to keep them close to Him. As a young mother I was scared when I saw so many teens start getting into worldliness and going away from The Lord. That is when I started searching the scriptures and going to God continually for help. He always showed me and gave me comfort through his word. As you said in one of your points that children need to see true Christianity lived out in the home; not perfect parents but real parents that admit they are wrong when they are, parents that spend time with their children and get to know them by showing they care about them and what they are going through in life. I always promised God from the time I got saved that I would never let my Christianity become a religion and that everything I do for the Lord would be based on Gods word and my relationship with Jesus and not on what a man tells me to do and I taught my children this also.

  6. Hi Linda. These are some great points. In the “To Live is Christ” study (I’m pretty sure it was that one…) Beth Moore discusses this a bit in one of the videos and it was really encouraging. She was speaking to the hearts of mature parents who did everything right and their adult children turned from the faith. She made the point that “They will not depart from it” could mean that though we do everything right, the decision is that individual’s and is between them and the Lord. If you did everything you know is right and they still wander, rather than live in guilt and defeat, know that your teaching WILL always be in their heart. Even if they live a life of no faith, they will know in their heart where they are failing. They will know that there is a better way even if they don’t choose it. I thought that was a really interesting perspective (and hope I’m doing it justice!) and also offered some hope to parents who hurt over their children’s choices.

    Thanks for blogging on such important topics!

    And it’s nice to “meet” you! :)

  7. Meredith on March 28, 2014 at 2:34 pm said:

    Great article, and something I think about often with my two kids. I think #4 is one of the hardest, and most important things. Discipline is one thing, but discipleship really gets to the heart of the matter. Great to find your blog! (Through your BOTS interview)

  8. Joe Bigliogo on January 6, 2015 at 11:24 pm said:

    Sadly too many Christians refuse to acknowledge the actual reasons and instead weave all sorts of non sequiturs and rationalizations for loss of faith among today’s youth. If you ask young skeptics directly most will tell you that they find no credibility in Christian belief system, it’s outrageous claims, and ultimately consider it irrational and untenable.
    There are a great many of young people (myself included) who didn’t lose their faith lightly but after considerable introspection and thoughtful inquiry. I therefore find it somewhat condescending that you think our rejection is based on a distorted view of Christianity. That somehow if it were properly presented, we’d embrace it. Nope… we actually reject Christian claims and it’s dogma because we don’t find the Christian God to be real and do find the stories to be fabrications, myths and fables or embellishments. And…it’s not you Christians we have a problem with, it’s your beliefs.

    “Whenever a man believes that he has the exact truth from God, there is in that man no spirit of compromise. He has not the modesty born of the imperfections of human nature; he has the arrogance of theological certainty and the tyranny born of ignorant assurance.”
    — Robert G. Ingersoll

  9. Linda, your comments are right on target. Too many Christian parents leave the teaching and discipline to the church but as we know, it takes DAILY reinforced teaching from God’s Word to keep our children from ‘walking away from their faith’ as they become responsible for their own actions.

  10. Linda, your comments are right on target. Too many Christian parents leave the teaching and discipline to the church but as we know, it takes DAILY reinforced teaching from God’s Word to keep our children from ‘walking away from their faith’ as they become responsible for their own actions.

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